The Bookstooge Chronicles: The Midlife Crisis

~ Bookstooge

25 years since I started Bible School. And maaaaaan, I think I am having a midlife crisis here. So instead of breaking down, buying a red porsche, throwing over Mrs B for a space hooker and burning down my work place, I’ve decided to read my old journals. Yeah, when I have a midlife crisis, I don’t take the easy route!

This little journal is 25 years old. It’s older than some of the people I know at church for goodness sake!

Holy smokes folks, what a trip. I was going to share some of them, but after reading several months worth, yeah, that ain’t happening. It has shown me several things though.

25 years has allowed me to have a completely different perspective of time. Every day was a new adventure, filled to the brim with new and exciting things. Now, life is a routine that I glide through on a weekly basis and sometimes I wonder where the entire month has gone. Back then, my emotions went through the whole cycle on a weekly basis. Now, if I’m lucky, that’ll only happen on an annual basis. Getting married has also changed me immensely. Back then I had a different crush every week.. Now I’ve been happily married to one woman for 14 years and she knows me and still loves me and when I wake up each morning I don’t have to wonder what I’m going to feel that day. Oh my goodness, that is such a burden off of my shoulders, that was an exhausting way to live, let me tell you.

I was also the most naive person I have ever known. Reading some of those entries I wonder how I made it through life. I also felt bad for the people around me at that time, oy vey. Which makes me laugh because in about 20 years I bet you a hill of jellybeans that I’ll be saying the same exact thing about the present me. Bet you didn’t see THAT coming, eh? Hahahahaa 😀

While Bookstooge was no Jedi Master by the time he was 23, he also hadn’t french kissed his own sister. You decide which is the greater achievement.

I remember one time a professor told a story about how he found an old journal, read it and then razor bladed it because he was so embarrassed by it. I understand that feeling now but unlike my professor, being reminded of that embarrassing time helps me to remember what it is like being that age. And hence to have a bit of mercy to those young punks who are pretty worthless in every imaginable way 😉 Believe it or not, I have learned some empathy and mercy in the last 25 years. I’m just REALLY good at hiding it, hahahahaaa.

Another thing, confidence. I was worried about working out 5 times a week, running every day, if I was too skinny, etc, etc, etc. Everything I did was through the lens of what others would think of it. Now I just don’t care. There are a few specific people whose opinion DOES matter to me but outside of them, everyone else can go hang 😀 (on a side note, my biceps are an inch bigger now. So don’t mess with me or I’ll knock your block off, then slit your throat with my kbar and then double tap you with my sig). But don’t worry, I’d never actually do that, because I’m so peaceful now and I love everyone so much 😉 See, mercy in action!

The Whammomatic 3000. It punches, it slices, it shoots, all in ONE convenient and easy to use package.

So anyway, this was good for me. I just needed to get that all out. If this is as much of a “crisis” as I’ll have to deal with, I’m totally ok with that. Only start to worry if I start putting up pictures of red porsches. Or posting How To’s on arson..

ps,
As I read more of my old journals, I might find some amusing entries that are fit for public consumption. If I do, I’ll probably be posting them and talking about them. Just wanted to warn you, you know?

44 thoughts on “The Bookstooge Chronicles: The Midlife Crisis”

  1. Oh man, I can imagine the feelings of going over something like that. It’s like you can’t even believe you were that person, and you’re having some kind of weird out-of-body experience.

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    1. It is VERY peculiar, that’s for sure. I never re-read my old journal entries even during bibleschool, or after, so this is pretty much the first time. Definitely getting an interesting look at myself 😀

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    1. It is being worked on even as we speak. 16 volumes so far and no end in sight. It will be the Definitive Edition to chronicle my much storied life.
      I should make out like a bandit with the royalties alone, much less the many biopics and fake movies “based on real events” it is sure to spawn…

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            1. Sorry, this is for only after I’m dead. You’ll need to sign a Non-Disclosure Contract and put a 1 Billion dollar deposit into my bank record, non-refundable.

              Plus, I think Alex has more practice than me for putting bins out. I bet he could do it in half the time.

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  5. I think I must have foreseen this potential problem because my young journals don’t have my crushes or really anything about me. I made up rhymes and wrote little stories and rambled on, pretending to be super profound. Maybe that’s a different kind of embarrassment. 😆 I’d really like my young self to read my current journals. That might be embarrassing. “I’m going to mature to this? Lord, take me home!”

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    1. Hahahahaa 😀
      Being a hormonal young man had its own set of issues.

      Oh man, I hadn’t even thought about what my young self would think of me now. I bet he’d be horrified and jealous all at the same time. 😀

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      1. Let’s just hope someone doesn’t publish your journals after you die. That’s what happened to James Boswell. Really interesting reading, but I’m sure he didn’t intend for it when he was so brutally honest.

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        1. If I pass away before Mrs B, I’ll probably have her destroy them 🙂
          Considering that I’m never going to be famous, just putting them in a garbage bag and into the bin should be enough 😀

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  6. I revisited some of my own “old” journal entries from 3-5 years ago and whinged at my own immaturities and insecurities, so I can’t even imagine how surreal it must have been. Good to see that you aren’t out buying red porches during your crisis, haha. I hope your crisis doesn’t get too bad.

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      1. I had the inclination with my travels. I’ve written loads of travel blogs. And one time with a particular painful breakup I’ve written down the whole story of me and that ex, to fully understand it. But other than that… just day to day stuff I never write about.

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    1. That particular aspect came about because I’d just seen News Radio and Dave Foley (the main character) had confessed to his coworker that he’d always fantasized about space hookers. It was so odd it just made me laugh 😀

      I only watched that movie once, at the urging of Mrs B and don’t remember a thing about it except Billy Crystal was in it and there was some big river or something. So I don’t remember the scene/conversation you mention, sorry.

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  10. I only wrote journals for about 10 years when I was going through my ‘trauma decade’. I think they’re in the loft and I must remember to get them out and destroy them to pieces before anyone else finds them. I have never re-read them, and can live happily not doinig so. 🙂

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    1. Huh, I have no idea why I didn’t respond to this. I’m going to blame it on the stupid phone app 🙂

      My journals are definitely getting trashed as part of my will. Mrs B is fully on board w that. She tried to read them soon after we got married n had to give up. That’s how bad they were, hahahaha!

      Without prying (too much), what was your trauma decade? Doesn’t sound good…

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      1. Oh man, had a kid, got divorced, had my flat repossesed to pay of ex’s debts, got medically retired, worked strange jobs to make ends meet. Fell in love, got dumped, Mum got cancer took 2 years to die, Son left home too young, oh hang on, that takes me up to 15 years, trauma decade plus! But that’s long gone and now I am in La-La-Land 🙂

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  11. I’d call it a solid win in anybody’s life tally if they get through life without french-kissing a sibling. What should be a dead-easy win, but a win nonetheless. 😉

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  12. You don’t hate the person you were, and yet you made real progress, you’re a lucky guy!

    I have some notes from when I was 18-25, so about 20 years ago, when I go through them… a lot has changed, yeah, but a lot stayed the same, I just sort of learned how to work around issues.

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  14. Just remember neither Luke nor Leia knew the other was their sibling when they kissed, in fact the only individual in the room that knew they were siblings was R2-D2 who didn’t let out a single beep.

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    1. I am planning on writing a post in november furthering this “bookstooge chronicle” thing. My first journal covers my freshman year in bibleschool, so I’ll be dealing with that.

      We were daft. Thank goodness we’re now the levelheaded mature people we are now, right? 😉

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  16. Pingback: October ’22 Roundup & Rambling – Bookstooge's Reviews on the Road

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