Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #13 ★★☆☆☆

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Title: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #13
Authors: Peter Laird & Kevin Eastman
Rating: 2 of 5 Stars
Genre: Comics
Pages: 47
Words: 2K

So, this is not written OR drawn by Eastman or Laird. Some guy I’ve never heard of is heading the helm. Don’t have a good feeling about this.

Space President Queen Chick ambushes Space President Peasant Chick, who crashes to Earth and is rescued by the boys. Space Elections are apparently decided by combat. So everybody fights and President Peasant defeats President Queen by branding her with what appears to be a weiner (seriously, I kid you not). President Peasant promises justice and fairness for everyone and the local Space Spaceship takes her back to rule her planet. The end.

This was pretty bad. The story was about what I’d expect FROM a fifth grader and the artwork, well, it was on par with the number 2 pencil drawings I’ve seen so far. I’m going to give this series until #15 to improve and if it doesn’t (and I’m not very hopeful) then I’ll be cutting my losses and trying to find some other comic to read.

Once again, if anyone has any ideas for comics for me to try out, shoot me a comment please.

★★☆☆☆

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #12 ★✬☆☆☆

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission

Title: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #12
Authors: Peter Laird & Kevin Eastman
Rating: 1.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Comics
Pages: 39
Words: 2K

Everyone in the group is out having a picnic when some random student stumbles across them. He escaped from ‘hardcore survivalists who made him build them an atom bomb” so they could cleanse America. Said student is then shot by the leader, one Skonk, from 600 yards away using what appears to be an M16 machine gun. Casey and April take the super genius student to a hospital while Splinter and the boys take on the Good Ol’ Boys with names like Jess, Bubba and Skonk. Who want to set off a nuclear bomb (in case you’d forgotten). Donatello removes the plutonium from the bomb without any safety gear and suffers no harm and Kronk remote detonates it thinking it is still a nuclear bomb. In the middle of the woods. In their “bunker”, which is nothing more than a ramshackle old cottage with a dilapidated garage.

This had me rolling my eyes so hard. I was all prepared to show some righteous review anger but man, this was so bad that I ended up just laughing at it. 600 yards is about 900ft, or 600 meters. You don’t shot ANYTHING through the woods that far. It is mainly in urban environments or treeless areas that that is even possible. And you certainly don’t do it with an M16. Sniper rifles are precision tools with wicked long barrels and you pretty much carry them in a case, not dangling over your shoulder on a strap like a man purse. Then you have the “genius” student who builds an a-bomb. I am not even sure where to start in dissecting how stupid that is. Those plans are highly classified and no mere student is going to have the know-how to do any such thing. And then Donatello “simply” removing the plutonium. Awwwwwwwww come on! Seriously? That’s where I simply gave up and just laughed my head off. Next, you have Skonk setting off what he thinks is the a-bomb. In the middle of the woods, with no viable target and no plans for what comes next. That’s not hardcore, that’s just stupid, hahahahaa.

And here’s a picture of the deadly A-bomb. In the garage. Up on saw horses. How can you not laugh at that?

This was a prime example of how to tell a bad story within a framework of the readers already suspending their belief (mutant turtles that are ninjas, for goodness sake). I couldn’t suspend my belief because I happen to know a little bit about guns, about militias and about nuclear bombs. How things were presented simply don’t work the way it was shown. What it shows is that the author knew as much about those things as I do about alien triceratop warriors. Guns, militias and bombs were as real to the author as alien dinosaurs, so he just makes up whatever crap he feels like and runs with it. That’s exactly what bad story telling does. If the authors had talked to even 2 hunters, they could have corrected all of their ideas about guns. If they’d gone to the library and read up on militias (this was done in ‘86 I think?) they’d know that militia groups have to be organized and skilled to survive and are not just cults with guns. If while they were at the library they’d read up on nuclear weapons, they’d know about radiation poisoning or how almost impossible it is to obtain fissionable material. But nope, they sat in their little room and made crap up.

I had no idea going into this issue that I’d be going off on a rant like this. But come on, what else am I supposed to do? Just let it slide?

This was also the issue where Eastman and Laird decided to kind of split and each would do an alternate issue, thus allowing them to focus on other comic ideas they had. I’m going to just keep on listing both their names in my reviews and even when guest authors come in, simply ignore that. Keeping track of the whims of the Artistic Type is more than I want to deal with when reading a bleeding comic book.

I’ve also realized that several of the covers I have for these issues are the complete spread, encompassing the front cover and the back, which forms a complete whole. Instead of chopping them up like I have been doing and making the “usual” sized cover, I’m going to be using the full version. So the first part of the review will have all the data under the cover instead of beside it like is normal. And this review is now approaching 900 words, so it is beyond time to quit before I lose myself here.

★✬☆☆☆

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #11 ★★✬☆☆

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission

Title: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #11
Authors: Peter Laird & Kevin Eastman
Rating: 2.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Comics
Pages: 41
Words: 2K

So after the last issue where Shredder is shown to be alive and attacks the group and they barely escape, this issue is all from April’s perspective and takes the form of her writing in her journal while the group recovers at an old farmhouse that belonged to Casey’s grandmother.

April has nightmares about losing everything, each of the boys is hurt and trying to recover in their own way and through the winter they all do their separate activities, with varying degrees of success. Finally Splinter gets involved and starts them on the healing path as a group.

April journaling was definitely something I can identify with. The act of writing (not typing mind you, but writing, not that that was readily available in 1987 in abandoned farmhouses in new england!) can be therapeutic and can act as a release valve. For me, there are lots of things I think and feel that I can’t say to others, for a variety of reasons. But they are still inside of me, churning around and bubbling like a cauldron. Writing those thoughts down allows me to stop thinking about them and prevents them from festering in my mind and becoming something worse. It is also a calming exercise as I am totally focused on the act of writing and can ignore the world around me for that time. Obviously, that is me bringing my own thoughts on journaling to the comic, but from what April writes and how she writes, it seems like she uses it the same way.

I downgraded this a full star though because near the end Splinter and the boys are having a kum bai ya moment and it is so full of 80’s Eastern Mysticism Cant that I literally rolled my eyes. Thankfully, the issue does end with spring coming and everyone getting back on track to be the group they were meant to. So I’ll keep on reading 🙂

★★✬☆☆

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #10 ★★★✬☆

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission
Title: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #10
Authors: Peter Laird & Kevin Eastman
Rating: 3.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Comics
Pages: 39
Words: 2K

★★★✬☆

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #9 ★★★☆☆

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission

Title: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #9
Authors: Peter Laird & Kevin Eastman
Rating: 3 of 5 Stars
Genre: Comics
Pages: 36
Words: 3K



Synopsis:

This is a prequel comic of sorts, but I’m not sure exactly. There’s no April O’Neal or space triceratops or robots or even the Foot Clan, but there are ninja’s with machine guns.

A dying samurai must pass on his heritage to his grandson who lives in America. He possesses Splinter’s body and Splinter and the boys track down the grandson. And are all promptly attacked by gun ninjas. The Turtles save the day, allow the spiritual succession to happen and everyone goes home happy. Except the dead gun ninjas. Because it’s wicked hard to go home happy when you’re dead.

My Thoughts:

Thankfully this was directly involved with the TMNT even while being a standalone story. It was hokey though and was about as 80’s as you could ask for. Samurai, ghosts and machine guns. All together. If that doesn’t scream The 80’s to you, then maybe you’re just too young. Young’en.

While I enjoyed this more than the previous issue with Cerebus the grumpy and dumb aardvark, I am finding that I want an overarching storyline from the TMNT. I get all the standalone I need from the Groo and Asterix comics and don’t need it here. Just gotta hang on while the artists get their act together.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #8 ★★★☆☆

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress & Blogspot by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission

Title: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #8
Authors: Peter Laird & Kevin Eastman
Rating: 3 of 5 Stars
Genre: Comics
Pages: 51
Words: 3K



Synopsis:

A girl from the future steals a magic sceptre and goes racing through time to escape her master. She stumbles across the turtles in 1986 but upon her master discovering her uses the sceptre to transport them all to another time and place. A castle which Cerebus the aardvark is attacking to recover some magic scrolls from the demon controlling the castle.

The demon takes the sceptre and begins using its powers for himself. The Master appears and the demon begins attacking him with the sceptre. When nothing happens, the Master reveals that the sceptre is old technology and that magical digital quartz crystals, in wrist watches are the “in thing”. He banishes the demon, returns the turtles to New York, gets Cerebus the scrolls and punishes the girl by making her dust his library. What a tyrant!

My Thoughts:

So this was a standalone story that also was a crossover with Cerebus the aardvark. Why Cerebus was so popular back in the 80’s is outside my knowledge and considering all, don’t care enough to find out. This really wasn’t a TMNT story, more of a story that they were tangentially involved with.

I read the letters and “news” section and once again, it was like a time capsule. Seeing how a comic operated, with crossovers to other independent comics, name dropping and “back issues” from 1 year ago, it brought home (like hammer blows) just how limited information was then. As someone who grew up as computers were becoming mainstream, it is easy to forget that it wasn’t always that way.

From the ‘news’ section I’m expecting the next several issues to be all standalones much like this one.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #7 ★★★✬☆

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Title: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #7
Authors: Peter Laird & Kevin Eastman
Rating: 3.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Comics
Pages: 42
Words: 2.5K



Synopsis:

The Turtles are beamed back to the TCRI building, along with the champion warriors of the Triceratons. Who promptly realize that the gizmo used on them is a working transmat device. They immediately go on the offensive and attack everyone. The brain blob robots use their stunners on them and the Turtles try to stay out of it. Master Splinter appears and tells the boys everything that has happened, from his perspective and that the brain blob aliens just want to go home now.

Outside the building, police, swat and the national guard are gathering. They assault the building, enter and begin making their way to the 3rd floor where the brain blobs have reconfigured the transmat to take them back to their homeworld. They take the Turtles with them and the building self-destructs 5minutes later, destroying all evidence of their existence.

The issue ends with the boys and Splinter getting transported into a bathtub in April’s apartment.

My Thoughts:

This issue had the first “news” article in it that comics soon began using to inform their readers of upcoming events and what not. It was very handy to learn that this was the end of this particular story arc and that the next couple issues would be standalones.

While not as exciting as the Arena Games of the previous issue, this still had plenty of soldiers and robots blasting away at each other. Sadly, the Turtles didn’t really get in on the action and so the “ninja” side of things was pretty non-existent. Rocket launchers vs robots with stun beam guns. Definitely made for some good pictures.

Of course, this was mostly backstory and thus allowed Eastman and Laird to really pad things. We get the Turtles origin all over again, just with the bit about the brain blobs being the ones who had created the goo. Then Splinter retells how he escaped from the killer mousers and that was all filler too. I would have been VERY disappointed in this volume if I had waited over 3 months from the previous issue only to get this one. Thankfully, I have scads more ahead of me so I can just whiz on through and do the Queen Wave at this issue.

Pip pip, cheerio, crumpets and tea at 2? Righto then, onto the rocket launcher.

Nothing says “trained professional” like standing right out in the open 2 feet from the door you’re about to try to blast open. Why do comic artists draw such stupid things? Maybe I’m just being extra picky but it just stuck in my craw. And yes, I do realize I’m talking about “stupid” within the context of a comic that has brain blob aliens riding around in Terminator800 shells and warrior Space Triceratops. So upon reflection, maybe I just need to ease up.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #6 ★★★★☆

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress, Blogspot, & Librarything by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission

Title: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #6
Authors: Peter Laird & Kevin Eastman
Rating: 4 of 5 Stars
Genre: Comics
Pages: 37
Words: 2.5K



Synopsis:

The boys are captured after the ship lands. Honeycutt the robot is threatened with their death if he won’t build a matter transmitter for the Triceratops nation. He refuses and the guys are thrown into a Battle Royale against 4 of the champions of the Triceratops. They beat them and then rescue Honeycutt. The issue ends with them, Honeycutt and one or two Triceratops being surrounded by the light of a matter transmitter.

My Thoughts:

This is NOT the 90’s cartoon. We’re talking broken wakizashi’s in the gut, bo’s in the throat, elbows and knees broken with nun-chucks, swords through the shoulder. All that good stuff. This issue earns the Ultra-violence tag.

This scan was from the collected color edition and not the original B&W comic hence the color cover. Color hides a LOT of rough art….

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #5 ★★★★☆

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress, Blogspot, & Librarything by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission

Title: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #5
Authors: Peter Laird & Kevin Eastman
Rating: 4 of 5 Stars
Genre: Comics
Pages: 42
Words: 2.5K



Synopsis:

The Boys materialize on a different planet right in the middle of a firefight between some security goons and a robot named Honeycutt. They escape with Honeycutt as he has the knowledge of creating another Transmat. Unfortunately, Honeycutt is kidnapped by the Triceratons (triceratop aliens in space suits) and there is a running battle between the Federal Troops (the security goons) and the gun wielding triceratops. The boys manage to sneak aboard the spaceship of the Triceratons and the issue ends with the ship docking at a mobile weaponized asteroid and the cargo bay they are in being depressurized (hence they’re running out of air).

My Thoughts:

Having a color cover is really nice. I hadn’t realized how much of a difference it made until I compared this one to the previous one. The insides are still Number 2 pencil in black and white though.

The story is great and while I’d normally rant or complain about the extreme ramp in the action (I mean, we’re only in the 5th issue and we’re already on another world?), it just worked. The pacing carried on from the previous issue and it felt good.

Then you have Triceratops in spacesuits that are some kind of commando warriors. Reminded me of the Judoon from the tv series Dr Who. I’ve included a page here because I think they just look cool.

I feel like I’ve made that “connection” to this comic that is needed for a long term commitment to it. I’m happy about that as without it this series would have gone down the same path as Silver Sable or even Spawn. No need to do that to myself again! I’m looking forward to the next issue already 🙂

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #4 ★★★✬☆

This review is written with a GPL 4.0 license and the rights contained therein shall supersede all TOS by any and all websites in regards to copying and sharing without proper authorization and permissions. Crossposted at WordPress, Blogspot, & Librarything by Bookstooge’s Exalted Permission

Title: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #4
Authors: Peter Laird & Kevin Eastman
Rating: 3.5 of 5 Stars
Genre: Comics
Pages: 53
Words: 3K



Synopsis:

The Turtles are hanging out in April’s apartment and decide to go for some night exercise on the nearby rooftops. They run into a group of Foot Clan soldiers and battle ensues. One of them gets hurt and all of them see a big building with the letters TCRI on it. After defeating the Foot Clan soldiers, the boys head back to recover from their fight.

The next night they head to the building only to discover it has no doors, no windows, no ledges, no apparent way to enter except the front door on the street and one door on the roof. They make their way into the building and discover Splinter in some sort of container in a coma. They set off some alarms and the aliens come running, afraid the Turtles will damage or destroy their Translocation Matrix Machine. The Turtles accidently activate the machine and the issue ends with them all fading away, fate unknown.

My Thoughts:

I feel like this comic has a rhythm and it has taken me to this volume to feel it and get in the groove. It is very different from One Piece, or Asterix or even Bone. Part of why the earlier reads felt so disjointed or disorienting to me was because I hadn’t gotten that rhythm yet. I got it now though and really enjoyed this issue.

We find out the aliens are creating a translocation matrix machine, which is their goal. We all know what “translocation” mean, so it’s obvious they’re trying to bring something to Earth or to take something away. Of course, the boys screw up their plans royally when they invade and then accidentally activate it!

The little blobby aliens pricked something in my mind and after reading this volume I figured out what it was. They remind me of the toy brains from the Mattel toy line of Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors from the 80’s. We lived in an apartment complex growing up and one of our neighbors had a lot of toys. One such set was these Wheeled Warriors. The badguys where the Monster Minds or something and they were these green rubbery brains. They were so gross! And as a boy they were totally awesome. Anyway, the aliens remind me of them. Isn’t it weird how things like that work?

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.